The Worth of a Woman

".... And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth" Alicia Keys

"No woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord than a woman of God who is thrilled to be who she is." Sheri Dew

I've been thinking about writing about this for a long time. It's something can be so sensitive and so empowering at the same time. Part of the reason it's taken a long time is because when you write about these things it forces you do some stocktaking of your own. 

I have had the privilege of volunteering and looking after young girls aged 12-17yrs old as well as women 18yrs and older. I've found amongst them a common theme. When women have any particular insecurity about themselves, most of the time you can see those insecurities in their daughters. It used to terrify me, because of what I could pass on to my daughters. 

I was taught about my worth from a very young age. My parents loved all of their children, and I have always felt very loved. We were made to feel important. Admittedly, as the youngest of six, I didn't get my butt whooped as much as my siblings - but I did always feel loved.  In the polynesian culture, we loooove our food. One of the ways that we were made to feel important as children was always being the first to eat, no matter who was in the house.  When it comes to food, you know it's aaaallll on! My mother always fights for what she believes in. I have always felt that it is my responsiblilty to do the same. 

When I was younger I knew I wasn't going to be a Miss NZ contestant by any means, BUT I also knew I wasn't hideous looking - because I did have a few friends. I didn't get hung up on girlie stuff - mostly because of our humble beginnings but I understand that people can be hung up on all sorts of different things.  

All of that confidence or feeling loved at home doesn't stop life happening and you going through your own experiences. My quarter-life crisis (I know, I couldn't even wait for the mid-life one) was a kick in the guts. It was sore as - mostly because I knew that it was all self-inflicted.What was I thinking!??!! And it made me doubt myself.. but out of that all came my Tarlini, who has always made me his #1 priority. 

Last night we had Family Home Evening and our challenge was to send an anonymous thank you note. This is the one he got: 

These are the kinds of things that help you feel that somewhere along the line, you are making the mark. 

Sometimes you do second guess and you wonder. Then you have to look around for some inspiraton. It's usually not hard to find. 

I got up yesterday morning with every intention to get in the car and hit the gym early. I mumbled and grumbled and checked the morning Facebook and saw my friend Maria's status: 

'Sometimes when fear kicks in we will say to ourselves 'oneday i'll get around to it'. Don't sit around waiting - try it and be the 1 who kickstarts your transformation. Be the 1 who eliminates the myths that have defined you and if you get stuck - ask for help and pray to 'the 1' - do it today its 1DAY MONDAY ‪#‎limitless‬'

I grew up in New Zealand. Most of the myths I knew were maori legends like about Rangi & Papa and Maui and the creation of the country. The way things have been shaking at home at the moment, I'm not sure if they aren't happy about the new names of the South & North Island, BUT this status made me get out of bed as if my house was swaying becasue it screamed: You are worth it.

One of my high school friends shared a beautiful status today. This is part of it: 

'My soul mate is remarkable, not once in the past 21 years together, he never questioned my weight gain or loss, always supporting me. If you always do what you've always done, you'll never get more than what you've already got. Courage is not defined as the lack of fear. It is doing it anyway, even though you are afraid. It's the ability to take action in spite of fear, challenge, pain and uncertainty. Be who you are and say what you feel becasue people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind'. Ta'i Makai

Can you just feel the love between her and her lovely husband? Who needs The Notebook? No matter what you say, people around you make a difference, either positive or negative. 

The most important thing to me is not leaking my insecurities to my children. I always talk to them about surrounding themselves with good friends. What the difference in between good friends and pretenders because they deserve good friends. 

Which leads to another important lesson, that has taken me a while to learn. 

'If I teach it, I must live it' 

If I don't believe, why should anyone else? One of my best Dr Phil moments was when a friend was struggling with a problem and I said to her 'If someone you loved so much was in the same situation, think of the advice you would give them - and then realise you deserve that same advice.'

There are a lot of quotes out there, a lot of information to read. But you really need to feel it to believe it. For me - this is the kind of woman I want to be: 

The inspiration is all around you and 99% of it is probably the person who looks back at you in the mirror. Take a good look, it's there. You are worth it all, and so am I.