The Cleansing Out of the Holey Donut

Dear BN

I know you are the kind to take things to heart, when a member of your second “family” leaves you. So I'm going to tell you why. 

If I’m being honest, this is for me as much, or more than, it is for you because there is a lot  that I need to let go of, and I guess this is part of that process. I am glad to finally let it go. You take out of it what you will.

I know at the core of your heart, you are a really good guy and I did mean it when I said I wish you and the rest of the team the best.  The thing is, I always had been a supporter of you. I literally did talk you up or cheer you on. For real.

There are so many things that I liked there, the main one being the people. You are surrounded and manage some pretty spectacular people. Don’t forget the reasons you hired them, and help them use those reasons to get where they want to go, not the squares you want them to fit in.

I have heard many horror stories, and have experienced a few myself. There was one colleague who was approached by a team leader because he had pictures of him on social media with another male, and the suggestion was made to remove them so they would not be ‘guilty by association’ and it didn’t look good. I’ve seen people reduced to tears for having opinions that are not the same as yours. Or the time I was marched into a meeting room for posting about a performance review that went really well because there are others who’s didn’t, and they would feel bad.

I never really recovered from the ambush I received at my last performance review. I never really got over being told by one of your management team that she did not trust me. I think you know that too. The talk we had about how much you did for me really sealed the deal for me.

You are an expert at saying things without actually saying the words. That day, without saying the words, you said I owe you because you ‘saved’ me. That day, you said, ‘Stop making me look bad’.

My three main misdemeanors:

1.       Being questioned about my leave when I had a tooth removed, even though I provided two separate medical certificates – one from my doctor and one from the hospital. Yes, I applied for leave so I could move house that got declined, but a missing tooth isn't something you make up. 

2.       Questioning my sick leave balance when I got hammered for it all the time. What happened was that my sick leave was used by my Team Leader at the time for the time my Dad died. Turns out I was given 2 days bereavement leave instead of 4. 

3.       Questioning why overtime wasn’t paid on time, because team leaders didn’t take the time to confirm the hours and the query was over one hour, out of 20.

So basically, it was for standing up for myself.

I have always been straight up, and that was something that lead to my being in the dog box a lot of the time. Plenty of people came to me out of fear.  I became the middle wo-man. I was put into situations like putting concerns forward because people were too scared to do it themselves. The thing that was taken out of that was that I wasn’t equipped for this rather than the reasons why people didn’t come forward.

There are many good things about the bank. The technology is awesome. The people are great. On the other hand, organization and planning is pretty bad. How do I know? Before I left, I counted that I did 162 hours overtime in one financial year. That’s like an extra 23 days or so. I never ever had the desire to be in management, because I saw the lack of support/training they had.

And I didn’t want to change who I was.

I didn’t want to sell my soul.

I’ve learnt that there are many companies with terrific reputations, but when you actually get into the heart of that company, you wonder how that reputation came about.  Chinese walls or whispers? It doesn’t matter.  I learnt the hard way that having an opinion is great if it is the same as the company line. If it’s different, welcome to a world of passive aggressive bullying. And then being accussed of it all being in your head. True story. 

When I started, there were 23 people in my induction group. Nearly 4 years later, there are only 3 of the group left.

I was told that I wouldn’t make it, that I wouldn’t be able to find somewhere better. But, I did.

If you want to take anything out of this, please take that people are what make the company. Treat them like gold, not charcoal. 

Thank you for making me stronger. I’m grateful for amaaaaaazing friends.

Goodbye Holey Donut. Chapter finally closed. 

All better now. Peace out!