'Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.'
Our family started this challenge because we needed it. There's a saying that goes something like, 'The only time you should yell, is when your house is on fire'. Well our house burned down to the ground a few times. The challenge was pretty simple, we all had 30 marbles in our jars. During the week, if we said anything that wasn't uplifting or not nice then you lost a marble and it went into the big jar. The person with the most marbles at the end of the week was given $15 because that's what we decided on together as a reward.
The first couple of weeks were okay. We went through a kind of honeymoon phase as we worked it out. People would look at us strangely if we would be shopping because every now and then "That's a marble" could be heard.
There was a period of 'fake niceness', where some were only being nice to try and win the money. There's the stage when people lose so many marbles, they are past caring and the floodgates would open. One week, one child just went up to their jar and poured all the marbles out. There were times when the scrutiny was intense. One time Tarlini lost a marble for calling the microwave stupid. "That wasn't uplifting for the microwave Dad".
Of course, my Tarlini has won the challenge most weeks so his savings are looking great. It took 8 weeks for someone to beat him, and that was our youngest. I actually won the challenge one week. I was so excited!
It's nearly been 5 months since we started the challenge, and what have we noticed? We talk to each other more. We sit round the table at times other than dinner and talk more. It's about stuff that means something to us, not just small talk. The children still irk each other now and then, but it's better. I'm actually stopping to think about what comes out of my mouth before it leaves my lips. Amazing. It's still a work in progress but it's better.
A few months ago Tarlini was waiting to usher his Primary class into their classroom on Sunday and a man confronted him. As in got so close to him, they could almost hongi (touch noses) - confronted him. Something about us talking about his wife or something to that effect. It's laughable really, because if you knew my husband, you'd know he is one of the nicest guys in the universe. Now, it's more believable if it were me, but it wasn't (and I would own it if it were me or I would be looking you straight in the eye as I was saying it). I was at home with my youngest daughter who was sick that day, which is a blessing in disguise because I'm sure my father's genes would've kicked in and I'd be in some kind of disciplinary council... but I digress. He was actually more upset because he could see how upset the other guy was.
The thing is whatever he said really shook my Tarlini and because of that it shook our whole family.
So Tarlini decided he would be going to a different chapel for church. My calling in church means that I travel to a lot of different wards to visit etc so I would go to which ever ward, the kids would go to our ward with friends, and he would go somewhere else. Our youngest stopped wanting to go to activities or even church too.
There's a Primary song that talks about a wise and foolish man. The wise man built his house upon rocks and when the weather nutted out at him, the house stood firm because it was built on great foundations. The foolish man built his house upon sand, so when the weather had a go at him, his house washed away because of the sad foundations.
For us this was one of those checking our foundations moments.
This experience has actually strengthened us. We were open and honest with the children about what happened. When the rumour mill was in full swing, they were able to bat it out of the ball park a few times. It has given us a teaching moment. Did we want our daughter to hold grudges? No. We are back to being at the same ward all at the same time. Yaaaay!
I guess the simple message is words have the power to uplift or crush people. Use them wisely and if all else fails, just zip your lip.
The other thing is, the church is true and sometimes people are people. I get that. I'm one of those daaaaaaaaaah people.
And ALWAYS focus on not losing your marbles!
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