The Nipple Factor

The other day I was in a meeting (I won't say if it was at work, or church, or a parent/teacher interview or whatever haha) but the guy that was running the meeting had this top on, and I felt like telling him that he really should put a singlet or something on underneath because although it's the end of winter here in Brisbane, it's not cold at all and the good old nips shoud not be protruding out of his shirt like that. I didn't know where to look. Awkward. I talked to another lady was attended the same meeting and she noticed the same thing and truth be told, we did get a good ab workout about it. Double awkward haha. 

You know those moments where you don't know where to look or what to say because it's so awkward? Thanks to that meeting I have named those moments 'The Nipple Factor'. 

Another Nipple Factor moment occured at a former workplace. I had only been working there for a few month and it's customary when someone has a milestone birthday, a cake is rolled out for the whole building and we sing the birthday song. Anyway, it was a 21st celebration and this woman (who I had not met before) had the whole Madonna 'Desperately Seeking Susan' look. I looked around and thought it was a joke. I think I actually said to someone "Is this serious?". Well it was. The only lady who had hair higher than this woman is definitely Marge Simpson. Anyway, it turns out she's pretty much the boss. As in one step down from the Big Kahuna. We had a business update one day and it was Q & A time and I must've been smirking at Madonna that day. She looked at me and said, "Ah, I know you have a question." My mother's wittiness flowed through me, "How do you keep your hair looking so fabulous?" I heard the snickers around me, but she honestly gave a five minute answer about the mechanics of keeping her hair that high. It was gold and I'm sure that has been added to the company's myths and legends. 

Another Nipple Factor was when my little cousin had been out all day and her Dad didn't know where she was and was suitably concerned. All of the family were in town for a funeral or unveiling, so we were all together. It was a little after dark and she walked up the driveway with a misguided confidence, in fabulous high heels. Half an hour later she came back into the house with lost confidence and a sore butt. We all knew what happened. She probably got a hiding with her 'Sex in the City' stilletos, but not a word was uttered. My cousins & I laugh about it often, but at the moment she walked back in the door: total nipple factor moment. Dahahahaha. 

Some Nipple Factor moments are unavoidable. The true challenge is being able to look those 'Nipple Factor moment' people in the eye again. Oh, and if you're going to disobey your parents, wear jandals - not Jimmy Choos. Cheeehooooo! dahahaha. 

Restoring Factory Settings

Over the weekend my phone went haywire. That's kiwi speak for bung.. or playing up. I took it my MacGyver Tarlini and he tried to work all the tricks he knew when he finally said those horrible words.



'I think you need to restore your factory settings.' 

So he got to the screen 'Factory data reset' and pressed the button, and everything was gone. 

Gone are the notes that I forgot to email myself. 

Gone are the secret phone numbers that were really Pin Numbers. 

Gone are the contacts that weren't saved to my SIM card.

And then there's the big one: Gone are all those Candy Crush lives that I've been saving up. Oh. The. Pain. 


I can think of plenty of other moments far suitable for restoring factory settings: 

Like this outfit: 

Or that time you got caught wagging at your friends house. There's those awkward teenage moments and those fabulous teenage moments that are hidden deeply in your journals. The ones you are still deciding whether or not to share with your teenager Actually now that I think about it more, I better fish that journal out and burn it dahahaha. 

There's the time you were stupid enough to give your mum the evils and your dad saw it. That would've saved you about 10 minutes off that can of whoop ass. 

But this isn't Men in Black. You are not Tommy Lee Jones and you most definitely not Will Smith. I guess it must be a generational thing. Back in the day you didn't just try and wipe everything from everyone's memory. You just waited for the excitement to fade, and someone else to be the next laughing stock. Thank the Lord Facebook, Instagram & Twitter weren't around when I was a teenager because that's a whole chapter of what you were thinking going on there!  

Live like there's nothing to be ashamed of - and if there is, make sure you make it right and learn from it. Then you get over it and move on - no need to restore any factory settings at all. 

Laughing At Myself

I enjoy having a good laugh at myself, so today I thought I'd share five of the funniest or embarrassing things that have happened to me. 

5. When I was 10 and at Intermediate School (part of Primary School here in Aussie and probably Middle School in the States) I went to sit on a chair and it fell apart from under me. I was only 10 and about 1/8th of my weight now.. so I don't think it was my weight.. but as a child left sitting on the ground because your chair broke, the only thing you could think about was there is something going on with your behind.

4. One day my neicey and I were going to work and we usually drove to the train station. We got out of the car and we started walking towards the train station and I looked down and realised that my pants were inside out. I held onto her and made her walk behind me till we got to the loo and I changed them. 

3. It was near Christmastime and my son was only about 3 years old. I had explained the Christmas story to him and he was suitably fascinated. We were sitting in the middle of church, it was dead quiet... and all you can hear is son going "Hey mum, Jesus was in jail aye?' .. Dead quiet. 

2. Last year in Brisbane CBD my friend and I had lunch and we were heading back to work. We went down the escalator and I noticed that the hem of my dress was getting a bit too close to the edge. It was too late. My dress got stuck in the escalator. I was frantically trying to get it unstuck when a guy came over and asked if he should press the emergency stop button. Just as he went to press the button, I managed to kick my dress out of that tight spot. That was too close a call. 

1. I was doing a happy walk on the way to work in Brisbane CBD. I had my Porirua Teeshirt on, my sunnies on and I was feeling pretty great.  As I was nearing my building my foot got caught in a crack in the footpath and I fell forward. As I was falling foward, the world went in slow motion and I could hear myself muttering 'nooooooooooo'. But I fell. My arms took the brunt of the impact .. .yeowwwchhh.. but as I lay on the footpath, on my stomach I looked up and saw a guy just looking at me, making no attempt to help! Jerk hahaha. I jumped up like a ninja and kept on walking. 

Oh I remembered, just recently I changed my notifications tone to the minions going "Bottom... hahahahahaha". I did a phone update recently and must've pressed the wrong button.  In the middle of the most important part of our church service... what happens? 

"Bottom... hahahahahaha". My Tarlini gave me the death stare, my children and all the children (and some of the adults) laughed around me. I stumble to turn the phone off and stared at the head of the person in front of me. There are moments when technology turns on you for sure!

Well, I hope you've had a good ab-workout... just remember: Laughing is better than crying dahahahaha. 

There's Light Beyond Blue

Many years ago, my beloved uncle died of a broken heart. I imagine it being literally smashed to pieces. I think he did try to piece it together slowly, but it became too much for him. 

He hung himself. 

It was so devastating for our entire family.

He is my Dad's baby brother. He was the one who would sneak money to me. I could listen to him for hours as he shared his childhood stories, which usually meant him and Dad getting into some kind of trouble. He would do things like ask us to go look for something and that was missing and declare "Whoever finds it, I will give them $5 yesterday" and we always fell for it. He was the one who would tell his sisters that he was away on holiday to Australia for a few weeks, when he'd really be in jail hahaha. 

We love him so. I love him so. 

I sometimes think about how horrific it would have been for my cousin to find her father in that position and how that would be a moment she probably couldn't erase.  I was about 18 years old when he died. My sister came to give me the news and I cried all the way to my parents house. She said that I had to pull it together for my cousin and I think I did. Twenty years later, it's still blurry.  I cried and cried to Dad, and he told me that how hard it was for him. Not much was too hard for Dad those days. 

I think Uncle may have forgotten how much he was loved by the rest of us. I'm sorry that he felt so sad that he couldn't say anything. We love him so much my cousins have been in charity boxing matches for him to help spread the word on suicide prevention, we love him so much I share his stories with my children. We love him so much full stop. 

I'm no professional, but I know how this has impacted me. 

So, all I can say is that if you think that someone is going through a hard time and won't be able to cope, scream from the rooftops if you have to, to get them help. Keep an eye on your friends and family and check in with them. 

Too many people are going too soon, especially when there are too many people who are fighting just to live. If you can be that light at the end of the tunnel, then try or at least go out and utilise the resources that are out there. 

My Uncle is loved and I'm 100% sure that you are too. If you are someone that is feeling extra sad, please just give someone/anyone a chance to help you see how loved you are. 

I love you Uncle xx


 http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

https://www.ruokday.com

The Worth of a Woman

".... And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth" Alicia Keys

"No woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord than a woman of God who is thrilled to be who she is." Sheri Dew

I've been thinking about writing about this for a long time. It's something can be so sensitive and so empowering at the same time. Part of the reason it's taken a long time is because when you write about these things it forces you do some stocktaking of your own. 

I have had the privilege of volunteering and looking after young girls aged 12-17yrs old as well as women 18yrs and older. I've found amongst them a common theme. When women have any particular insecurity about themselves, most of the time you can see those insecurities in their daughters. It used to terrify me, because of what I could pass on to my daughters. 

I was taught about my worth from a very young age. My parents loved all of their children, and I have always felt very loved. We were made to feel important. Admittedly, as the youngest of six, I didn't get my butt whooped as much as my siblings - but I did always feel loved.  In the polynesian culture, we loooove our food. One of the ways that we were made to feel important as children was always being the first to eat, no matter who was in the house.  When it comes to food, you know it's aaaallll on! My mother always fights for what she believes in. I have always felt that it is my responsiblilty to do the same. 

When I was younger I knew I wasn't going to be a Miss NZ contestant by any means, BUT I also knew I wasn't hideous looking - because I did have a few friends. I didn't get hung up on girlie stuff - mostly because of our humble beginnings but I understand that people can be hung up on all sorts of different things.  

All of that confidence or feeling loved at home doesn't stop life happening and you going through your own experiences. My quarter-life crisis (I know, I couldn't even wait for the mid-life one) was a kick in the guts. It was sore as - mostly because I knew that it was all self-inflicted.What was I thinking!??!! And it made me doubt myself.. but out of that all came my Tarlini, who has always made me his #1 priority. 

Last night we had Family Home Evening and our challenge was to send an anonymous thank you note. This is the one he got: 

These are the kinds of things that help you feel that somewhere along the line, you are making the mark. 

Sometimes you do second guess and you wonder. Then you have to look around for some inspiraton. It's usually not hard to find. 

I got up yesterday morning with every intention to get in the car and hit the gym early. I mumbled and grumbled and checked the morning Facebook and saw my friend Maria's status: 

'Sometimes when fear kicks in we will say to ourselves 'oneday i'll get around to it'. Don't sit around waiting - try it and be the 1 who kickstarts your transformation. Be the 1 who eliminates the myths that have defined you and if you get stuck - ask for help and pray to 'the 1' - do it today its 1DAY MONDAY ‪#‎limitless‬'

I grew up in New Zealand. Most of the myths I knew were maori legends like about Rangi & Papa and Maui and the creation of the country. The way things have been shaking at home at the moment, I'm not sure if they aren't happy about the new names of the South & North Island, BUT this status made me get out of bed as if my house was swaying becasue it screamed: You are worth it.

One of my high school friends shared a beautiful status today. This is part of it: 

'My soul mate is remarkable, not once in the past 21 years together, he never questioned my weight gain or loss, always supporting me. If you always do what you've always done, you'll never get more than what you've already got. Courage is not defined as the lack of fear. It is doing it anyway, even though you are afraid. It's the ability to take action in spite of fear, challenge, pain and uncertainty. Be who you are and say what you feel becasue people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind'. Ta'i Makai

Can you just feel the love between her and her lovely husband? Who needs The Notebook? No matter what you say, people around you make a difference, either positive or negative. 

The most important thing to me is not leaking my insecurities to my children. I always talk to them about surrounding themselves with good friends. What the difference in between good friends and pretenders because they deserve good friends. 

Which leads to another important lesson, that has taken me a while to learn. 

'If I teach it, I must live it' 

If I don't believe, why should anyone else? One of my best Dr Phil moments was when a friend was struggling with a problem and I said to her 'If someone you loved so much was in the same situation, think of the advice you would give them - and then realise you deserve that same advice.'

There are a lot of quotes out there, a lot of information to read. But you really need to feel it to believe it. For me - this is the kind of woman I want to be: 

The inspiration is all around you and 99% of it is probably the person who looks back at you in the mirror. Take a good look, it's there. You are worth it all, and so am I. 

Sore Arms & Determination

My arms are killing me. 

I had my first session with a personal trainer two days ago. The other night I woke up because it felt like someone punched in the arm. Then I realised, oh no stupido.. it's that exercise! My friends at work told me that from Day 2 the pain will get worse. And they were right. 

My personal trainer was friendly, down to earth and I do like her. As we were chatting in between arm exercises, she asked what my goals were. "Oh, I want to bulk up".. dahahahaha.. Apparently some time you need to state the obvious. She tried to sell me on her 12 week challenge. It all sounded great until it was $70 a week for 12 weeks. 

I have been moaning about my arms all day, and my teenager told me how she can't wait to see my muscles. I don't to be a muscle woman or super fit, I just want to be around a bit longer. Long enough to get to know my grandchildren really well. Or if I'm lucky, Iike my parents, I can be around for the great grandchildren. What a bonus that would be!

It's going to take a lot of determination, but this year I've reminded myself that I actually do have that in bucket loads. I told my personal trainer how I took part in the Gold Coast 5.7km run this year and she asked how my training went. I'm not sure if she believed me, but I told her I walked 6km, at least 3-4 times a week. 

A family friend's bucket list included doing the run, so I signed up. It's so typical of me. I would never do it just for me. It was an awesome experience. There were about 30 of us. Some did the 10km run and others did the 5.7km run. To be honest, I walked the whole thing - but I did it! After everyone crossed the line, the feeling of accomplishment was so satisfying,  there was such a terrific feeling amongst the group and I am so proud that I am a part of Team Fou. 

There's a long way to go. 

I think one of the reasons I was so determined with Team Fou was because I really didn't want to look like I was having an asthma attack 100 meters in, which was probably true.  I had done no exercise for probably a year or so. 

At the end of the day, you find whatever reason you need to get there and you do it. No excuses, no one to blame but yourself. 

I want to show the kids that if I can do what they are probably thinking is impossible, they can do anything too. Oh, and fitting preddyful clothes would be nice too hahaha. 

It's good to be doing something just for me. 

Now, to get through that legs session.

Me + He = We

I came home from work today, to a wonderful Masterchef-like creation. My Tarlini or my wife as I like to call him is a stay-at-home Dad. 

We moved to Australia 8 years ago, and for the first 3-4 years he worked. We have been extremely fortunate enough to have one of us at home, doing the hard work, whilst the other was out in the workforce. 

Four years ago, I was crawling the walls, and he asked me if we wanted to swap. And so far it's worked for us. He is a way better housewife than I would ever be. I was the first samoan girl he met that couldn't cook to save myself. I think it kind of amused him. Like a Ripleys: Believe it or not moment. 8 years later, I can honestly say I haven't burnt anything in a long time hahaha.  

It's not the way every household works, but it works for us. Every couple has their own 'jobs' they do. For example: He deals with any kind of vomitting in the house and I suck boogas out of the children's noses when they had colds to help clear the airways if they need - of course this was when they were babies!! (oh, sorry about the visuals). I kill spiders and he chases away cane toads and geckos. Don't judge me, I don't like them! 

Another one is I drive the cars and he makes sure there is enough petrol, water, oil.. whatever is needed. And much to his dismay, I have absolutely no idea how to change a tyre and I have no desire to learn how. We do have RACQ membership but it's only for whatever car he is in, because 99% of the time, he's the one who will have the children with him. 

There are some jobs that people think are suited to women and some to men. In this day and age, it does seem like woman can do anything. And if you are one of those woman - all power to you. I can't do everything, and I embrace it. 

With so much pressure out there to be perfect at this or that, I say - screw it. Do whatever works for your family.  All I really want is to make sure the kids are taught well, become good people and achieve the goals we have as a family. Like working at being together forever without too many battle scars. I said to my son tonight that I hope to make sure he has heaps of stories to tell his children about me. I smiled when he said he has a few already. 

It's good to be working towards our goals together. I'm glad my Tarlini learnt very early these great words of wisdom: 

Much like people will give you heaps of advice when you're about to become parents for the first time, people do have a lot of advice for newly weds. The best advice I ever got was take out the advice you like, and run with it. It works for both scenarios. 

Figure out what works for you and roll with it. And be deliriously happy along the way because forever's a long long time. Amen.