The Power of Words

The Ephesians 4:29 challenge is all about watching what comes out of your mouth: 

'Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.'

Our family started this challenge because we needed it. There's a saying that goes something like, 'The only time you should yell, is when your house is on fire'. Well our house burned down to the ground a few times. The challenge was pretty simple, we all had 30 marbles in our jars. During the week, if we said anything that wasn't uplifting or not nice then you lost a marble and it went into the big jar. The person with the most marbles at the end of the week was given $15 because that's what we decided on together as a reward. 

The first couple of weeks were okay. We went through a kind of honeymoon phase as we worked it out. People would look at us strangely if we would be shopping because every now and then "That's a marble" could be heard. 

There was a period of 'fake niceness', where some were only being nice to try and win the money. There's the stage when people lose so many marbles, they are past caring and the floodgates would open. One week, one child just went up to their jar and poured all the marbles out. There were times when the scrutiny was intense. One time Tarlini lost a marble for calling the microwave stupid. "That wasn't uplifting for the microwave Dad". 

Of course, my Tarlini has won the challenge most weeks so his savings are looking great. It took 8 weeks for someone to beat him, and that was our youngest. I actually won the challenge one week. I was so excited! 

It's nearly been 5 months since we started the challenge, and what have we noticed? We talk to each other more. We sit round the table at times other than dinner and talk more. It's about stuff that means something to us, not just small talk. The children still irk each other now and then, but it's better. I'm actually stopping to think about what comes out of my mouth before it leaves my lips. Amazing. It's still a work in progress but it's better. 

A few months ago Tarlini was waiting to usher his Primary class into their classroom on Sunday and a man confronted him. As in got so close to him, they could almost hongi (touch noses) - confronted him. Something about us talking about his wife or something to that effect. It's laughable really, because if you knew my husband, you'd know he is one of the nicest guys in the universe. Now, it's more believable if it were me, but it wasn't (and I would own it if it were me or I would be looking you straight in the eye as I was saying it). I was at home with my youngest daughter who was sick that day, which is a blessing in disguise because I'm sure my father's genes would've kicked in and I'd be in some kind of disciplinary council... but I digress. He was actually more upset because he could see how upset the other guy was. 

The thing is whatever he said really shook my Tarlini and because of that it shook our whole family. 

So Tarlini decided he would be going to a different chapel for church. My calling in church means that I travel to a lot of different wards to visit etc so I would go to which ever ward, the kids would go to our ward with friends, and he would go somewhere else. Our youngest stopped wanting to go to activities or even church too.

There's a Primary song that talks about a wise and foolish man. The wise man built his house upon rocks and when the weather nutted out at him, the house stood firm because it was built on great foundations. The foolish man built his house upon sand, so when the weather had a go at him, his house washed away because of the sad foundations. 

For us this was one of those checking our foundations moments. 

This experience has actually strengthened us. We were open and honest with the children about what happened. When the rumour mill was in full swing, they were able to bat it out of the ball park a few times. It has given us a teaching moment. Did we want our daughter to hold grudges? No. We are back to being at the same ward all at the same time. Yaaaay! 


I guess the simple message is words have the power to uplift or crush people. Use them wisely and if all else fails, just zip your lip. 

The other thing is, the church is true and sometimes people are people. I get that. I'm one of those daaaaaaaaaah people. 

And ALWAYS focus on not losing your marbles! 

Love & Skittles

I hadn't heard from a friend for a very long time. We have the kind of friendship where we don't see each other often, but when we do it's like we were never apart. We've watched each other grow and it's one of those friendships where you would cut off your right arm for each other. Well, maybe my left arm because I'm right-handed of course. 

Then, I got a message. "What's your phone number, I need to talk to you" You know the things that run through your mind.. is she sick, are her parents sick, is someone dying, is the sky falling in... 

Anyway, here's how our conversation went: 

"I'm in a relationship"
"Yaaaay! Are you happy?"
"Yes"
"Yaaaaay!"
"It's a same-sex relationship" (Ok, I wasn't expecting that)
 "Are you happy?"

"Yes, really happy."
"Yaaaay! Are you getting married?"
"No, we've talked about that and we're not"
"Cos I'm a really great Wedding Planner"
"I know you are, you dork."

And our conversation just flowed as normal. We spoke about how it's taken her seven years to have the courage to let me know.  We spoke about how the people closest to her have been the most difficult to tell and how she had received some angry reactions. I reassured her that I didn't care about who she loves, as long as she was happy. Actually, I told her that as long as her parents were fine, what I thought really didn't matter. She said it mattered to her. 

When the words came out of her mouth - I hope it was empowering for her. I was surprised but I don't think I paused or inhaled all the air in from my office. 

I love her even more and it makes me sad that it's taken her this long to feel comfortable enough to tell me.  I would also be lying if I said it didn't make me sad because there are few churchie things we won't be able to do together. 

Now, some may say this changes everything because of my faith. Well, quite simply put - it doesn't. Not even the size of a mustard seed. 

There are two things we are all about. Agency and being Christians or followers of Jesus Christ. 

We believe that we came to this earth to gain a body and go through trials and tests to return to live with our Heavenly Father again. The thing is we believe we made a choice and raised our hands to come here. We wanted it so bad, we were itching to get here. It was our choice. Agency is choice - you weigh everything up and make a choice. You can't make people choose what you want them to choose, because then we would be exactly like our brother who fell away. My friend is an adult who has made a choice. She's weighed everything up and decided that this is what makes her happy. 

We are also Christians or followers of Jesus Christ who taught us to treat people as we would like to be treated. In his words, "Love one another, as I have loved you". It's as simple as that. What are you teaching your children I can hear? Exactly that. 

She is still the same person to me. The girl with the beautiful voice that's blossomed into a lovely lady. The girl who had the guts to tell me how much of a jerk I was when I was a teenager hahaha. I still want to know how she's doing, how the family is and how life is treating her. 

The girl who is my friend, my sister, and who just happens to be on Team Skittles now. No big deal. 

In the end she has chosen love. 

And so have I. 

Alex The Great

When I was around 14 years old a few of my friends had had enough of school. We would go through the short cut of the Old Road near on the Driver Crescent/Warspite Avenue entrance and head to Beauzami Cresent in Ascot Park. It was the kind of short cut that we were always warned about, but we grew up here and we'd be alright.

We'd always ended up at the Carters, next door to the Fonotis.

Alex was one of the counsellors in our Bishopric. He and his wife Desiree only had baby girl Kehayla then and we would skip school there for days in a row. In hindsight, I can see that he wanted to keep us safe. If we weren't going to go to school, at least he knew we were safe. I'm pretty sure my kids won't be reading this so I won't have to explain the wagging haha.

One day he sat us down and said, "Bishop said you have to go back to school". And we did - because we knew that he didn't have to let us stay at his house and he got a bit of flack from Bishop so we listened.

This morning Alex passed away after battling cancer.

It's literally been years since I saw him last. He was part of the circle when my son was given a name and blessing (like a christening) at church. That's how much he meant to us.

We would laugh at him. He would laugh at us and then all laugh together. He would talk about his passion that is softball, and he was one of the first guys that respected that I could speak rugby and we'd have great conversations.

One day I remember saying to him,
"Hey, can you see this mark on the back of my leg? It won't come off."
"It's called soap and hot water Babe, try it some time!" or he would say things like "You better watch those taro legs are going to get you one day." Man, I should've listened!

I went and visited the family once when I home in Porirua. Desiree was one of my Seminary Teachers so I tried to stop by whenever I was home. I walked into the house and sat there waiting and there was some washing. So I decided to just start folding it as you do. He came out and said "When you're done with that, there's some dishes in the kitchen waiting for you."

That's home.

The Carter home was one of my safety nets when I was a teenager. When he was in Coach mode, he was at his best. I remember when he was teaching one of the girls how to drive. The first thing he said was "The car is a big weapon. Never forget that and you'll always drive safely."

Always remember those that influence your life for the better. I'm sorry I never said thank you but I hope you feel it now.

I'm glad you're not in pain anymore. Say hi to Dad for me and I'm sure you'll have a great welcoming committee and there'll be somewhere up there for you to play softball I'm sure.

Rest easy old guy.  Thank you times a million. Till sweet reunions in the heavens.

Love you Xx

Hoop Dreams & Church Ball

When I was growing up there were two things that were a constant in my life: Church and Basketball.

As a child, I would watch the youth and adults during Ward Nights in awe. I would see elbows fly and baskets being dunked on. I would see missionaries join in on their P-Days and turn into these competitive sports stars, all keen for the win. It was great! 

The biggest competitions weren't school or community tournaments, it was the church ones. Stake Basketball was the big time. The basketball practices would be intense and you really had to earn your game time.  It was at these practices that I learnt to box out, screen, dribble, lay up, shuffle those feet and shoot. 


I wasn't exactly a natural when it came to playing ball. When I started High School I made the basketball team purely on my sister Ama's reputation. I remember the looks the coaches gave each other after they had made that decision and then asked me to do a jump shot.  Priceless. I was so unnatural at it in the beginning that when I was in Beehives (12-13yrs old) and it was time for Stake Basketball tournament, I was a cheerleader. That's right - a cheerleader!  There were four of us around the same age.  

"We're out to win, we're out to fight. 
We're from the East, we're dynamite" 

"That's East! E-A-S-T, that East E-A-S-T
That's E with an Eh and an A-S-T
You put it altogether and that spells East
That's East - Yeah!"   

Oh those cheers! We did have fun but thank goodness there weren't many video recordings around back then. 

The competition was pretty fierce. You were allowed to have three non-members (not members of the church) in your team but they had to attend church at least three times before the tournament. You knew it was nearly tournament time, because some of the best players in the area were at church for three times that year. Yes, basketball is a great missionary tool. 

You would almost taste tension soup between Wards from the first game. No team was underestimated. There may have been a few flying fists here and there (because we all know, we are not perfect) and there may have been one or two wards that didn't really care, but we're weren't one of them. Yes, there were tears when a team lost the in the semi-finals or the finals because everyone was on their way to join Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, John Stockton & Michael Jordan in the NBA hahaha.   

I have fond memories of church ball. Great friends, the soreness the next day and wondering when we could play again. 

Today, over 20 years later we're off to watch our teenagers play in their first Stake Basketball tournament. It's spread over a few weeks. I went to watch my son at one of his practices and even though I tried to compose myself the words 'fell' out, 

"Move you feet son!" 
"Move to the ball" 
"Hands up"
"Seagull!" 

Then the clincher "I want a turn"
"Mum, sit down. Please". 

What basketball has taught me is that after the final whistle has blown there are better wins to be made even if you didn't come first. 

Fitness, sportsmanship, and friendships are great wins. Invitations extended way beyond tournament dates that have changed lives are greater wins and this is what I want my children to learn from the game too. 

To Serve

On Sunday I got a new calling in Church. 

It's been just over 2 years since I've been serving in our ward Primary and it's been such a great experience. The roller coaster got me a few times there, but the ride was fantastic. On Sunday as the Bishopric member conducted ward business and my name was called out as being released from my calling, there were a few gasps. One of the older primary children were sitting in front of me and turned around with her jaw hitting the ground and I patted her back, assuring her that everything would be fine. 

A few minutes later I stood to be sustained for my new calling in Stake Primary. There were gasps again and I laughed a little to myself because I was trying to figure out if they were surprised gasps because believe me, I was pretty surprised when I first heard the news too. 

Surprised? Hell (or Heck) yeah! 

There was a time when I was a covenant breaker, a prodigal daughter, a hater-rater and a not so great person. I know a few people singing a few hallelujahs to that right now and I own that :). It took me a good 6 years to make it right with the Lord, and probably longer to make it right with me.. cos you know that's what us chicks do. There were a few years there when I wasn't even going to church. The blessings I got out of that period were twofold: 1. My empathy levels went up 10000% for less active members (because some people were pretty mean to me) and 2. It reminded me what I really wanted for my family. 

I'm still a hater-rater every now and again (Amen) and I'm certainly no where near achieving that imaginary bright shining 'perfection' badge (double Amen) mostly because I love chocolate way too much. I believe that all we can do is try our best with what we know and I'm trying.  

I have no doubt that my love to serve and the philosophy to help others if you can is a Christlike attribute that my parents showed frequently in word and deed. I see them in my siblings as I watch them serve their families in every shape and form.  There's no greater feeling than serving and helping others both in need and in want.  

It is beyond my wisdom why I have been called in this capacity. And I repeat the words of Alma: 

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things...." Alma 26:12

I'm looking forward to this new adventure and grateful for the opportunity to meet new people and serve the children within our Stake. 

It's been a long time since this prodigal daughter returned home. It may seem to some that I was never away. The small time away has helped me and has also cemented my testimony, alongside others that if I can make things right - anyone can. World peace is great. Inner peace is way better - just saying :)

Amen. 

QUIET PLEASE!

In a galaxy far, far away... or in a country far, far away. It's really in another State far, far away ...Ok, the point is this is not about my ward (haha).. Anyway, a friend of mine has a calling in church which includes teaching adults and asked me for some help with getting people to stop talking during class. Apparently she has frequent chatterboxes who talk through every part of the lesson apart from the prayer. I'm pretty sure if there could be talking throughout the prayer (and they're not the one actually praying) they would do that too! 

I was asked to do a handout to help out but the only one I could think of was something like this. Remember this backfired pick up line: 

Well, I would add this bit ....

BUT something tells me that wouldn't go down quite so well... 

Now, I've been teaching the Primary children for quite a few years now and when the kids get rowdy, I sing 'Stop, look and listen' and they sing it back to me. Another tactic is doing different actions (like tapping my head or clapping quietly) and everyone will follow my actions until I can see that everyone is watching and ready to listen. However, the most effective thing about singing 'Stop, look and listen' to a bunch of adults would probably be the amazing level of eyebrow raising that would be taking place. 

Before we go on, I know that some people talk because they are translating for something or other reasons. Thank you for what you do. 

So for those of you blessed to be able to sit in an adult class during church, following are a few reasons why people shouldn't chatterbox during a lesson. 

1: "A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints"

Sometimes this is part of our weekly medicine, and we need to hear what is going on! 

2. This lesson may help answer your prayers! and what you have to contribute may be an answer to someone else's prayer. 

3. Help the Missionaries by example

They work so hard to serve and teach investigators and welcome back less-actives. Let's help lighten their load by offering to fellowship during class. 

Here are two missionaries close to our hearts, Hermana Tenney serving the people of Scotsdale, Arizona and Elder Lematua serving the people of Luanda, Angola. 

4. Your teacher's preparation

As a Primary Leader, I know that a lot of time goes into preparing for a lesson.  As you prepare, you picture the individuals in your class and how you can meet their needs. It takes a lot to prepare to teach a class.  It doesn't matter if teacher teaches you every week, or once a month. Be mindful of your teacher too before you decide to start flapping your lips. 






5. It's Pretty Simple

Class isn't a time for a catch up session with your mates. Be inspired, get recharged and remember manners matter! 

There you go - five pretty simple reasons. Be mindful of those around you. And next time I get to sit in an adult class on a Sunday, I will try my best too. 

Just keep trying harder every week :) 

Amen! 








Disclaimer: This is not an official church website/blog and information is not sponsored or endorsed by the Church. Please feel free to visit the official church website www.lds.org 

What To Expect At Eliana's Baptism

My youngest will be getting baptised this weekend and I've invited a few of my work buddies (past & present) who are not religious or follow a different faith. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka LDS or Mormons) and here are few things you should or shouldn't expect to see at her baptism


1. DON'T EXPECT her to be a baby. Baptism age for an LDS member is 8 yrs old. 

2. The person 'Conducting' is like the MC. The Chorister is the person 'conducting' the music. 

3. You may hear someone talk about 'Opening' or 'Closing' Exercises. It's not actual exercise. It's just the hymn, introduction, and prayer. 

4. You know the speeches or prayers are going to end when they say "In the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen". No need for applause or 'hallelujahs'. The congregation will say amen and move on. Amen means 'so be it' or you agree... So you can say Amen if you want or just look at the ceiling. Up to you. 

5. Inside the chapel 'room' and when she is actually getting baptised (or receiving the ordinance) are very sacred. So no photos or video recordings please. However, in the rest of the building, go for your life! 

6. Girls usually dress in a knee-length skirt and blouse or a dress. Guys in a shirt and tie. Again, up to you - smart casual is cool too. 

7. No smoking or alcohol on chapel grounds at all. You can puff away on the street at the bottom of the drive. There will also be no coffee or tea served with the refreshments. This is because of a health law we live by called The Word of Wisdom. You may wonder why there are lot of Mormon fatties around. It's because we're still trying to get it right. No judging hahaha ! 

8. Baptism by immersion, means that she will literally be dunked under water. Her Dad holds the priesthood and authority to baptise her. After they get dressed and the programme goes on, she will be confirmed a member of the Church and given the Gift of the Holy Ghost. This is where men who hold the priesthood will form a circle around her, place their hands on her head and a prayer will be said (again by her Dad). 

9. After the closing prayer, everyone is invited to eat. We are sharing some light refreshments. Now 'light' means different things in different cultures, but I expect you should have enough to eat. 

10. The missionaries will be there, so no doubt they will say hello. Saying hello to them doesn't mean that we'll be at your baptism next week. If you have any questions - they are not a bad place to start. 

Well I think this covers all our bases. We're looking forward to a great day for our little girl. 

Disclaimer: That it is not an official Church website/blog, and information is not sponsored or endorsed by the Church,

Please feel free to visit the official website www.lds.org

Forever Ever ft. #thevisesios

My awesome friend Miss Jo has a quote tattooed on her arm from the movie 'The Crow' which says: Real love lasts forever.

If you were to wrap everything I believe in up, in one little sentence - that would be a good one.

So a few months ago, my neicey Eve married her sweetheart Jevahn on a day that will go down in our family history as one of the best days ever!

Theirs is pretty much every mormon girl's fairytale story. They were dating before he went to serve a mission in the (Zion) Australia Adelaide Mission for our church for 2 years. She waited for him. Hold on - she grieved for him a little bit - but once she pulled herself together, she got on with it and waited for him. Two years apart that made them stronger. He served well and returned with honour. Yay!

On his return (Oh, happy days) after a few months, they were engaged.

The wedding day was amaaazeballs!

So, Eve is the eldest daughter of my 2nd eldest sister Lagi.  Highlight of the day was being inside the Brisbane Temple and seeing them be sealed for time and all eternity. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka the mormons), that's what we believe - Families are forever or Real love lasts forever. So when you are married, it's not till death do you part but forever ever.

So we hung around for a few photos at the temple with all of our families there. Top points to everyone for really making the effort to dress for the occasion (got some grey hair shopping with the sisters that week). I think it's one of the few times all the girls have been in dresses/skirts since our parents made us wear them for family photos hahaha.

It was time to head to the reception - off we headed to the Rydges Southbank. Again, it was every island family's dream wedding because no one was stressed out about the food or was stuck in the kitchen. In saying that, I am quite useless in that department so I'm sure my siblings were more happy than me.  More photos please :)

Just before the reception, I also got the honour of winning selfie of the day with our golden child neicey Kilvina #winning!

The cake courtesy of Dana at Cut To The Cake was awesome and totally yummo!

There were a few items. Eve did a traditional samoan siva for both families. The Father/Daughter dance was a real tear fest, Jevahn threw a surprise item for Eve that got top points for audience participation, and of course the haka. The MCs and the DJ were on point!

Oh and my crazy family. Love love love them! I'm sure Dad was smiling from the heavens.

The Rydges said it was one of the happiest receptions they've had. Cheeehoooo!


It was such a great day!


But back to the beginning, for what this is all about. The beginning for this lovely and beautiful young couple. Where real love lasts forever......

..... because till death do you part is simply not enough.  Manuia!